and so it is
tonight, like so many other nights, i find myself once again thinking about the possibility of moving away. most nights it’s not really anything particular, do i really have to sell my car ‘cuz i really love driving that car. but tonight i find myself dweling on something that i’ve realized is quite close to my heart. i’ve thought about being home sick for my family, and missing the really close knit friendships i’ve formed over the years. maybe it’s the fact that i’m listening to damien rice, more likely because i’m just come from it, but tonights dwelling is the youth group that i am still a part of. i found myself trying to calculate, as mr. incredible crushes a robot, how many years i’ve been around. nine years…. and that’s not including pioneer boys with guys like jordan, and joel, and caleb. from the days of hanging out with fop and glen on friday nights, driving around trying for find the best french fry or crayola wars (for those who know). having the biggest crush on the cutest girl leader named carter, i thought i actually saw her the other day. to making the most rediculas videos, a couple sampled on this site. and now hanging with a guy who has been around for longer than i have, running the same youth group that i grew up in.
it has definelty been a large part of my life. and i don’t want to know what life might look like if it hadn’t been such a large part. i look around at the end of every friday night and smile, ‘cuz i know that there were kids just like me here. short, geeky, and needing a place to hang. i’ve never really related to jr/sr high kids all that well. i honestly have no idea how to chat with them, or whatever. though spinning music for five hours straight is a weird talent that i possess, and some how that communicates something about me to them. i don’t know how many kids actually know my name, other than the dj. and if i had it my way, that’s probably how i would want to keep it. i’m the dj that spins everything from top 40 to indie rock to jazz for five hours every friday night at a thing called 98a. i’m good with that.
so it seems that my membership may soon be expiring and that makes me sad. i can attribute my name to things like vississitude, nak-a-mania, bug am, and the long time dreamed, finally accomplished youth centre. what i thought was a passion for high school kids, turned out to be a passoin for helping create an atmosphere where those kids can grow, and connect, and feel like they have a place where they can hang as a short, geeky kid. and if i leave, i will greatly miss my youth group that i am still a part of, even so many years later.
with damien rice now imprinted in my mind, i’m going to steal some of his lyrics. “and so it is” that life goes on, and God has plans that i don’t know of. if i’m going or staying. working or schooling. being single or having a girlfriend. “some things in life may change, and some things they stay the same…. like time” which never seems to stop, even if you yell at it. or wait for it. for something. which seems like what i’ve been doing to for the last year.
3 comments3 Comments so far
Leave a reply
yeah life is a strange thing, there is no final outcome to any of the life changing transitions we go through. But knowing that we can go through transitions together and finding strength in the bonds we build, makes the future brighter.
Sheh, I completely relate to your thoughts, especially now that I can see in my horizon an adventure that will lead me away from here to the land of fish and chips. I happen to be one of those sentimental gushers who loves to look back on memories and fears change because why mess with such a good thing. I think we, as a group, are more fortunate than we can see. First, we have such awesome friendships with so many people, ones that take time to build, and that I had never envisioned would lead us away from each other at some point. Second, we have been a big part of God moving in many ways, like 98a. To see a dream like that take shape and be the very image of our dreams is an incredible testimony to Jesus. The most incredible part of all of this, is that I can step back and look at our situation right now. Five years ago, we were a group of young and energetic kids with a lot of potential and ideas as to how to begin our journey to get there. It seems like only yesterday, but now we are all starting to fulfill some of these dreams. With Nathaniel going to Africa, you and Ryerson, Jen and Regent, DT and Beulah, jasmin and music, me and england, or anyone else doing crazy things. It is awesome to see people stepping out and doing what they love to do, even though it is hard to see people go. We were talking the other day about this pursuit of dreams and realized something. That in the midst of your dreams, it is not as we see it from far away. Whenever you picture a dream, you picture either fulfilling it or the benefits that come from it. But what is sometimes hard to see is that a dream is not made by the big steps, but by the character choices that are made each day that lead to the fulfillment of the dream. That and with the dream still comes the hurt of possibly leaving other things behind, or that sometimes even pursuing your dream seems undesirable. Either way, it is really awesome to see people growing up and stepping out. yet our base is still set here, in Edmonton, in Beulah, in the friendships we have made. that will never change. I hope.
Great thoughts and reflections on the past. It\'s awesome you have come to this point and realization. I agree with Steve that it is fun and gives a nice feeling inside thinking of all the great memories at Beulah. I have many myself and actually have been thinking quite a bit about it all too. With Dan\'s wedding and other significant changes coming up, it is great to remember the good ol times. The following might not relate exactly to what you were saying. \"stepping out of your comfort zone\"…we\'ve all heard this phrase so many times before. Probably so much so that it has lost the meaning. However, I still think it has the same meaning and usefulness. We are people who steer towards habit, comfort and familiarity: things that make life easier. Therefore, doing otherwise requires an intentional effort and willingness. And the easy life is what it is and may not foster personal and spiritual growth. That is why stepping out of our comfort zone is mentioned so much because it is here that we are truly challenged and have only our faith to dwell on. We are called to walk by faith, not by sight. For me it is easy to get by on sight, and walking by faith is often the second choice. A quote from K.P. Yohannan that has been encouraging to me: \"Don\'t be like Naaman and let your reasoning postpone the promises of God at work in your life. Believe Him and step out in faith. Faith throws itself onto God and holds Him to His character and His Word. Faith never fails because God never fails.\"