ellipsis…

A long overdue reply to (scroll way down) a post on April 30th.[b]V[/b]olunteering with the youth department can be rewarding, but most of the time, especially in your position, there is little feedback to indicate the success and fruits of your labour.[b]U[/b]nfortunately, a junior high student will never come up to you and say, “Thank-you Ian. Thanks for providing great music for the night, it really created a positive atmosphere — a welcoming, fun, and accepting ambience — it was a great night.”Thanks for everything you’ve created tonight, and every Friday night. Music is filler; filling in the spaces between people, allowing shy leaders to converse with us shy kids. Music is chemistry; the right mix and the fun-catalyst kicks in. Music is energy; keeps the night rolling — that and the average 3 root beers and 4 chocolate bars consumed per capita. Without music, kids would not ‘chill’ on sofas or queue for the pool table, anarchy would be unleashed.”Thanks for not train wrecking 98a (playing Celine Dion), and thanks for not jeopardizing our health (playing Country music). Thanks for a great night.”[b]T[/b]hen again, I haven’t said it yet either, sorry. Thanks for everything Ian.yr.pal Robbie[i]“You are what you love, not what loves you.”[/i] — Adaptation

the game has come to an end. the letter arrived…. it was thin…. it told me i’m going to be around edmonton for another year. no school for this chinese man. the funny thing about all of this is that the bigger step of faith for me is to stay here. going to TO really plans everything for me out there, the step of faith would be the new place, the new faces, new surroundings, that is quite a bit easier for me to deal with. staying here is kind of the opposite. i have no idea what i am going to do here, but i have the support and love from all of my closest friends. searching for what God want’s me to do next here is the bigger step of faith, i have to trust fully in what he has planned for me.

so life starts here…. sorry steve no crown. though i may need a shot of it today.

since i started a little play-by-play about the waiting game i’m playing with a letter that is suppose to arrive any second now, i thought i’d continue…

i’ve been thinking about what this next journey in my life is going to look like. or at least try to think of what it may look like. here…. or there. i was trying to hash it out in my journal this morning. what would i do if i stayed… really. i seem to have my purpose pretty well ironed out if i go to TO, but what is my purpose if i stay. i’m quite stumped at this point. i had flipped back to a journal entry i wrote after breakforth, i was writing about one of jill brisco’s talks about stepping out in faith. God will provide while you step, not before you step. it was something that she said during her talk. it was something that i chewed on the entire day. and then tonight i realized what it means to me right now. either way, staying or going, is a step of faith for me. i can honestly say that i am quite lost if i stay here in edmonton. i have no idea what is instore for me if i go to TO. it seems that everything happening in my life right now seems to want to play this waiting game with me. i am at the end of my human physical/mental capabilities and really only have God to rely on. i can’t see over the mountain… who am i kidding, i can’t even make out the freaking path. but i guess that’s what faith is.

and still i wait…. BAH!!! waiting on ryerson to get back to me is going to kill me. i am so nervous at night that i literally count down the hours before i know the mail will arrive. i decided to call the undergrade application centre to see if they would be able to give me an answer. The answer i got was “we mailed something out to you on May 17.” AHHHH! not the answer i wanted. i just wanted a freaking yes or no.

and so i wait. hopefully tomorrow. i’ve realized that if God wants me in TO next year he’ll put me there. and if He wants me here, this is where i’ll stay. there really isn’t any messing with God’s plan, and what he says goes. i’ve been repeating the phrase “Your will, Your way”, over and over in my head. it’s realy the only thing that has kept me somewhat sane over the last couple of weeks. hopefully i’ll get an answer tomorrow…. we’ll see…

Hey y’all! This is my first time writing on this, so sorry if it doesn’t make any sense :p I was just looking online at what Ian has done with this page, and thought it was so neat I had to be a part of it! The idea of staying in touch with old friends, expressing ideas and concerns and getting other people’s opinions, and letting people know what’s on your mind through the weppage is so neaded these days.

Where to begin..??…

I too feel a sense of aloneness since the BUG days of the 90’s have passed, and often wonder what is going on with everyone in life. I know I haven’t been around very much the in the past while, but I would love for that to change. So this is such a great way to stay connected as I try to ‘fit myself back in’ somewhere, somehow. Its so odd how something that originally your parents made you go to on SUndays and Friday nights became such a safehaven for me, a place to be myself and feel like a part of something. When I left for NZ it’s like that all changed, I stepped out of it. But now somehow I want it back! Five years makes a person realize a lot of stuff in life, who and what is important, and for me: its YOU guys!

I don’t know who all reads this, but if you know me and we used to hang out and now you look at me and think ‘who is she now?’ I just want to apoligize. I’m still me! Just a little outdated with the who’s where and doing what’s of ‘05. But I hope this year I can get more involved with BUG as a mentor, friend, and peer to a lot of you. And in doing so, I believe I will hopefuly find that place to be myself again and be a part of something worth while. Oasis is exciting for me too, some connection back in a disconnected life. So, just so you know, each and every one of you make me smile for different reasons, and I feel so blessed to have known you for so long and to call you all a friend of mine!

…Enough of that for now! Its a rainy holiday monday-there are things to do, malls to be shopped, people to see! Love ya :)

- originally posted by danae