ellipsis…

I’m cutting this Merry Christmas wish pretty tight. Being back home with my family, with piles of snow around the house, smells of pine and apple cider, and the all the chaos in the kitchen, I feel right at home and blessed to be back.

Have a very Merry Christmas.

i’ve been in Vancouver since Sunday looking for a place to call home. i’m making the move out west in March to explore the many more opportunities in photography. i had arranged only one viewing from Edmonton before i had come, and it seems like that one was the best fit for me. it’s in the Kitsilano part of Vancouver. i love this part of town. so many little boutiques and cafe shops, lot of character, and only minutes to the beach! i took a look at a couple other places around the Kits area, as well as over in the Karisdale. i didn’t physically take a look in the core of downtown, but then again, i kind of wanted a place bigger than 400 square feet.

i’ve got 600 square feet studio (a small 600 square feet as they say in the reality world), in an awesome building. the suite it self is nice and open, with a solarium, and of all things a fireplace. there is tons of light that comes in, so shooting in the suite is going to be awesome. the kitchen is a good size with lots of counter space. tons and tons of cabinets too. i’ve got my own hot water heater in my suite, which i found kind of odd but definitely welcome it. there should be enough storage for all of my gear. i took a whole bunch of measurements this afternoon so that i can start figuring out how things can start fitting into the space. i’m really quite excited about my new home.

my building from across the street – the main floor is all shops

the front entrance – i kinda like the fact that it’s not a big front entrance, not sure why i do, just do

here is the main part of the studio – that fireplace is going to be awesome! Alysse in the door way of the solarium, and the guy who is actually moving out of the suite. he’s an industrial designer moving to NYC for an internship.

the kitchen – it’s a pretty big kitchen for the size of the place. huh… i didn’t notice, i’m going to have to get a microwave.

part of the solarium or den – i’m probably going to make this my bedroom, the guy who is moving out said that it fits a double bed, sounds good to me.

and of course the bathroom – good size, lots of storage, and glass doors for the tub.

and that’s my new place in Vancouver. there is a whole bunch of storage when you come into the suite. should be a fun time designing where everything is going to go. i want to try to keep it as open as possible so that it give it a bigger feel. oh, and they are painting the entire suite too. all the walls are going a light taupe color. the fireplace wall is going to be a accent wall going dark brown. plus they are putting crown molding around the entire main area too. not bad i much say. more to come in March, but for now it’s just nice to know that i have a place in Vancouver and i can start exploring everything in the area.

[pictures update]
i went back to my place today to sign my lease, and the painters had already started. here are a couple shots with the new colors.

Have a Merry Christmas!

they say that something magical happens when it snows,
so i hope it’s snowing where you are.
enjoy the people who have gathered around you this season.
and spread some well needed love.

cheers, shehstar

i’ve worked and attended more weddings then most. i’ve seen it all, well i thought i’d seen it all. a buddy threw me an email that said “check it!” Cabel Sasser, co-founder of Panic.com, recently got married and he totally designed his entire wedding! mac users will recognize Panic.com, they make some awesome software that makes using a mac even better. i can say that i haven’t seen anything like it yet. the amount of design detail he put into his wedding is just amazing. and i totally love the fact that he printed his invitations on a letterpress. SO GOOD! he goes through the entire process here.

i came across this on APE. renowned war photo journalist James Nachtwey won the 2007 TEDPrize. along with being presented with the award he received $100,000 and a wish. a wish to change the world. Nachtwey’s wish: There’s a vital story that needs to be told. I wish for TED to help me gain access to it and then help me come up with innovative and exciting ways to use news photography in the digital era. on October 3rd, 2008, he will reveal his wish to the world.

i recognize James Nachtwey from his work in Darfur. i had bought a book on Darfur for a friend’s birthday last year, and his images are almost 50% of the book. his images are stunningly beautiful. his subjects are the wartorn, neglected people of the world. a hard thing to swallow sometimes. if you have never seen his images, check him out. “I have been a witness, and these pictures are my testimony. The events I have recorded should not be forgotten and must not be repeated.” – James Nachtwey

TED, which stands for Technology, Entertainment, Design, is an annual conference that brings people of those industries together. top thinkers and doers around the world present their new ideas. for all of you who have an iPhone or a iPod Touch, the inventor of multi-touch, Jeff Han, presented his revolutionary touch screen at TED.

if you have a couple of minutes, watch James Nachtwey’s TEDPrize Wish speech. I’m super excited to see the story he and TED are bringing to light.

for someone like me, who’s life doesn’t categorize very well, disconnecting is a bit of a problem. i’m always on; always thinking about a new project, the current project, what to do friday night, who i haven’t seen in a while, who i need to cold call next, what to have for dinner. i don’t know if it’s the same for all creatives.

for the most part it’s a pretty good thing to have as a creative. “my life is my inspiration.” everything melds into one, work is play, play is work, so and so forth. but there are times where one or the other needs to be turned off. at my age, being young and impressionable, having my work float around my personal life is ok. i have the luxury of not having the obligations of family, and my friends are usually keen on bouncing around ideas. it is more of trying to shut off my personal life that is hard to do, especially when i comes to emotions and rocky times. i find myself constantly being distracted by the current state of a relationship, or an argument. always working through it when i should be working.

the past week or so has been hard that way. life has thrown me a couple of bones i wasn’t expecting so soon. that’s life for you. i’m slowly learning how to turn off. i tell you it’s not the easiest thing to do, but necessary if i’m going to get any work done at all. so far, it’s the most intense mind-over-matter task i’ve done thus far. to focus so tightly that everything else disappears.

i’ve always had a thing for going to the gym, though i tend to not be very consistent with it. over the last 6 months i have (pat on the back for me!). i finally realized that the gym is the only place in the world that i completely disconnect. i never bring my phone to the gym. my ipod is always plugged into my ears. and my mind becomes void of all personal or work issues. just me and a dumbbell i’m trying not to drop on my head. it’s a place that i can take a break from everything, if only for an hour or so. i’m hoping this little epiphany about myself will probably keep me more consistent. the results from the gym are nice too :)

most of the time, disconnecting is viewed as a bad thing. in this context, i think it’s a very healthy thing. i’m sure there are exceptions and limits to all of this, but i’m trying my best to keep myself focused. as one of my best friends always says, “life is good, you just have to change your perspective.”

you know there’s a show when you catch the gay pride parade! and so i did last weekend in calgary. the drag queens are always a riot! brought my new fuji f40 with me. the colors on the “chrome” mode are pretty good. that’s the one things i missed from my canon sd1000. the nice thing with the fuji is that it doesn’t completely saturate the reds in skin tones like the canon.

Brian Mason, leader of the NDP party, the only politician that showed up.

ok… so i think i that i get points for this one.i got a call at work today and the recording said “You have just won a free vacation! Press 9 to find out more details…” I usually don’t like these kind of things because there is always a catch of some sort, but to be honest the whole marketing strategy of the voice recording tempting you find out more is really quite genius, so i pressed 9. i get on the phone with the agent who starts rattling off about the vacation. “You have a 7 day cruise off of the Florida Keys, do you like Florida?… Well, if you like Florida then I can also offer you a 3 nights right on the Daytona beach…” blah blah blah… “Oh and with all this ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS ATTEND A 90 MINUTE TOUR OF A NEW RESORT…” blah blah blah. after about 5 minutes of her rattling off, so stops and asks me if i like to take vacations “Yes”… and then she starts going off again. then she says you are also required to buy tickets to universal studios from this company. so this vacation is almost free. now i’m getting confused, and i tell her that. it must have triggered something because she went into a “save the customer” mode, and got her supervisor on the phone. and that when i got really good!

the supervisor starts off by regurgitating everything the last girl just told me, but in light-speed! “We can also help you find airfare down to Florida…” wait, hold on! this vacation isn’t all that free anymore. flights to florida are going to cost $600+ for one person, and i’m not going to go by myself. she starts rattling off about florida again, and how nice the beaches are. “So… We are going to need your credit card number now to process your FREE vacation…” how about NO. and this is where the yelling started. she started yelling at me about how she didn’t understand why i wouldn’t want a free vacation or why i even pressed 9 to get more information. started accusing me of wasting her time. OMG, it was the funniest thing. i couldn’t believe what i was hearing. she asked if florida was even a place that i would like to vacation in, i said it wasn’t on the top of my list. if it was in thailand it would be more appealing! she didn’t like that. she was really frustrated and confused on why i would vacation in thailand but no florida. maybe it’s just me, but thailand is SO much more interesting than florida could ever be. she kept repeating that it was a FREE vacation. she switched tactics and started to explain how she didn’t need my business because it wasn’t about the vacations it was about the time-shares. time-shares?… this was the first i’ve heard about time-shares. “Even if you don’t by a $75k time-share, someone you know will and I make money off selling time-shares. So I don’t even care if you take the vacation…” after about 10 minutes i just hung up on her as she kept rambling on and on, i could still hear her as i press the end button.

ok ok, i’m a jack ass for keeping her on the phone for that long. to be honest over the 15 minutes i was on the phone, i probably said all of 3 partial sentences. and florida wouldn’t be a bad place to vacation, if i was 50. but what got me is that the agent started to yell at me. she was really really angry. usually it’s the customer who yells at the agent, this time it was the other way around. plus, there was no way i was giving out my credit card information to these people. i can see how someone can get caught up in the whole fast paced sales pitch and all of a sudden be giving out your credit info.

oh, and not to drag this stupid story any longer. as the agent was yelling, she kept saying something about my credit history and how i was a good customer and that’s why they called me because the credit card companies gave them my name and number… they called my store! i’m sure that my store has good credit, and really anyone at the store could have picked up the phone. i just decided to have some fun with it!

there is something about not knowing what you’re getting yourself into that resonates a feeling of fear and a longing for wonderment. to be honest, not really knowing what you’re getting into has the benefits of, well… not knowing. wondering around blind in a maze with your hands stretched as far out as they can go, feeling for the next corner. i think i have become accustom to walking blind, or at least fooling myself into doing it. it is the fear part that has really become something real as of late.

the fear of not knowing how. not understanding what it’s going to take. the fear of not having the drive or the passion. the fear of something new. uncomfortable. alone. the fear of moving ahead. how do i start? who do i talk to? what if they reject me? what the hell am i doing all of this for?! i have started to rack my brain for the plausibility of a dream. and at the moment the candle is dim and the wind is high.

there is always that dose of anxiety before you jump… i think that’s where i am right now. it’s that burning sensation in the middle of your chest. the gulp lodged in your throat. your clinched fist… because you know the next step is a jump and there is no looking back.

at times i feel as if the world is passing me by. like i’m the kid who didn’t get on the marry-go-round in the park and i’m just watching the joy and the fun and the dizziness pass me by. i look at what other people are doing. their adventures in life. getting married. moving to chase a career. and i think to myself “am i stuck. and if so what the hell am i doing in this rut!” i figured, by now, that i would probably have at least some stuff figured out in life. everyone says that’s a process, and i guess it is. i want to do big things with my life. i’m just having a hard time feeling big…